After arguing with my mom about health before our journey to this wretched store, I made the decision to ditch her once we got within twenty feet of groceries. In stead I went to the isle with all the bikes and things with wheels. I picked up a scooter and decided to ride it up and down the isle. Half of me was hoping to be stopped. I imagined either pulling the "Fuck you I'm a teenager which makes me better and scarier" card, or the retarded card. The more people that walked by, the more I hoped to be stopped. But no one cared. Why should they? I wouldn't. Honestly, I would just think "great, another kid who does nothing better than screw around."
Why do I talk about this meaningless not-so-exciting trip to this evil monopoly? Because I have this thing where I want to do something that others would not like me to do. I'm not much of a rebel in my mind. Sure I'm full of sass (says my sister) but that's because I don't respect the authority adults automatically assume. I feel like an equal and don't appreciate being talked down to, or being told I'm wrong (even if I am), or being told what to do. But that's another story. Anyways... I just want to have a story to tell my kids, or friends. So that I can sound cool? Or so I don't feel like a loser? Both? More? Yes.
The question is...what to do? No longer do I look young enough to surprise the clerk at Victoria's Secret with my scandalous selection. No longer will anyone find me singing at the top of my lungs at the river of lights to prove fearlessness impressive. No longer is cart racing at Albertsons that amazing.No longer...no longer. I can't beat "man I ran out that cop at the mall last week" nor do I want to. I don't drink, or smoke, or go to raves. You know what I do? I go to school, struggle to learn something, play a sport, fret over meaningless things, laugh at peoples stupidity, laugh at the truth, and go to sleep to wake up and repeat in a close order.
Why do I not do crazy things? I don't want to mess it all up. I don't want to ruin my slim chance at success. I want to love my life for what I've done, the choices I've made, and the people that make it worth while. I want to live with few regrets and enjoy the moment and prospect the future. It's not easy when there are so many things at every single corner trying to trip you. Life...it has a way of pushing you down and making you still want to get back up after the 50th time.
What am I left with? As always I'm left with not knowing what I want.
I hope you make mistakes!
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