War, Disease, and All That Schtuff

    I remember that fatal day when I realized what war was. When I comprehended it's meaning. Before that day, it was just something grown ups discussed in lengthy conversations. After that I was in a state of "fuck the world". I thought America was a hypocrite because we were all for protecting our loved ones, at the expense of killing others. Of course there is much more to war than that, and I do have high respects towards anyone who signs up for the military.  I just hated humans for being so stupid, to kill each other over money, religion, bombs, etc. I was a true advocate for world peace, and still sorta am. The "sorta" is about to be explained.

war?

    War. It is still ridiculous, but it must be done. It is unavoidable. Sometimes history is sickening, but it happened. I've realized that humans are humans. We have raw passion, devotion, greed, and anger in other words, emotion inside us. With that, there is no stopping war. Why fight for something like world peace when we so obviously aren't ready for it.
    On another note without war and disease(this is where disease comes in haha) we would be immensely over populated. In order to keep balance we need some other way to die other than old age, and we need to stop having so many fucking kids. I've never been an advocate for "cure that disease" (unless of course I have it hahahaha :P) because you know another will just pop up. It's just the way it is. Everyone dies.

ENJOY YER LIFE
love,

your friendly neighborhood blogger.
  

Wal-Mart

 After arguing with my mom about health before our journey to this wretched store, I made the decision to ditch her once we got within twenty feet of groceries. In stead I went to the isle with all the bikes and things with wheels. I picked up a scooter and decided to ride it up and down the isle. Half of me was hoping to be stopped. I imagined either pulling the "Fuck you I'm a teenager which makes me better and scarier" card, or the retarded card. The more people that walked by, the more I hoped to be stopped. But no one cared. Why should they? I wouldn't. Honestly, I would just think "great, another kid who does nothing better than screw around."

     Why do I talk about this meaningless not-so-exciting trip to this evil monopoly? Because I have this thing where I want to do something that others would not like me to do. I'm not much of a rebel in my mind. Sure I'm full of sass (says my sister) but that's because I don't respect the authority adults automatically assume. I feel like an equal and don't appreciate being talked down to, or being told I'm wrong (even if I am), or being told what to do. But that's another story. Anyways... I just want to have a story to tell my kids, or friends. So that I can sound cool? Or so I don't feel like a loser? Both? More? Yes.

    The question is...what to do? No longer do I look young enough to surprise the clerk at Victoria's Secret with my scandalous selection. No longer will anyone find me singing at the top of my lungs at the river of lights to prove fearlessness impressive. No longer is cart racing at Albertsons that amazing.No longer...no longer. I can't beat "man I ran out that cop at the mall last week" nor do I want to. I don't drink, or smoke, or go to raves. You know what I do? I go to school, struggle to learn something, play a sport, fret over meaningless things, laugh at peoples stupidity, laugh at the truth, and go to sleep to wake up and repeat in a close order.

   Why do I not do crazy things? I don't want to mess it all up. I don't want to ruin my slim chance at success. I want to love my life for what I've done, the choices I've made, and the people that make it worth while. I want to live with few regrets and enjoy the moment and prospect the future. It's not easy when there are so many things at every single corner trying to trip you. Life...it has a way of pushing you down and making you still want to get back up after the 50th time.

     What am I left with? As always I'm left with not knowing what I want.

I hope you make mistakes!
Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger

A Post On Love

     Well, everyone seems to struggle with it in some light. Since Google has all the answers, I went to it for information on this so called love. I’ve actually gone to the love calculator (http://www.lovecalculator.com/), which was the second result to my search.  I type in my name, Allie, and person two as Darth Vader. Guess what? We are 79% compatible. Luckily this is not how I would estimate or define love. You know what else there is? A wiki how on love. Here it is: http://www.wikihow.com/Love    No one can obviously tell you how to love, but I like what this site says.  I thought it would be stupid when I glanced at it, but it’s not that bad.

     Unfortunately I don’t know much about love at all. I’m rather inexperienced. It’s rarely in the air, and when it is I choke on it. I’ve seen to many people lie to each other about what they truly feel to have an all- consuming desire towards it. I’m not one to say “I love you” and mean nothing, or at least its definition*.  I say it when I mean it.  I’m more afraid of rejection than love itself. Why? It’s happened before. 
     The way I see it people are either afraid of love, in love, or not sure what love is. If you're afraid of love, I assuming it's knocked you down before and you're content with not getting back up right away. If you're in love, maybe one day you'll get married, then you can grow old with that one special person *sarcastic tone*. If you're in love, good for you. That's it. Good for you. And then there are those like me. Not sure what love is from lack of romantic experience.
     There is love that I do know. It is the love of my parents, and a few of my friends. I hope that everyone knows that love, but I know they don't. Love is just another thing we are constantly trying to find the meaning of, while at the same time try to accomplish it.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger,
Allie
* Dictionary Definition- http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love   
Quotes That I Like About This Thing-

• "Your heart is my piñata"-Chuck Palahnuik
• "The love that lasts the longest is the love that's never returned"-William Somerset Mauqham
• "After all what was more important, in the end, than love?"- Stephanie Meyer
• "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." Albert Einstein
• "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired"- Robert Frost
• "When Love is not madness, it is not love."- Pedro Calderon Dela Barca
• "Why ruin a perfectly good flower when you know, he loves you not."
• "The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you"
• "If love is shelter, I'm going to walk in the rain."

Me and the Social Network

I have a feeling I’ll be writing more than some of you are willing to stand. So let’s just hit the point on the head now. I’m deleting my facebook. I considered going quietly, but I want people who care (or those imaginary people in my mind who care), and myself, to know why.

     Here it is. I’ve become addicted to this website. I know saying that is absurd.  Sure there’s the “you can keep in touch with your friends” but that’s only a fraction of what it really is. It’s acceptance. It makes you think that all those people care. They don’t, few do.  You know whenever you start to think of status updates just to please people and get a “like” you have a problem.  The people who really want to hear what you have to say will find a way, and the people who don’t should have stopped at “I have a feeling…”  I also know that at the end of the day I always come here, to facebook. People talk to me who never do outside a cyber-context,thanks but no thanks. Now you have to say hello in person. That way I know you want to talk to me :)

       It fills time while I try to forget life.  What I should be doing is … living life. I need a break from trying to impress everyone and fill their expectations. I'm hoping to release some... stress? Yes. That thing that drives me crazy at the end of the day.

      Once again, I know this is silly. It’s completely idiotic. That’s exactly why I need to delete it.  I’ll leave this up for a few days… three to be exact.

    So asta la vista facebook, we may meet again, when I finally realize your unimportance.

    If you feel the need to contact me, my email will be sufficient, you can ask for my number, or I plan on keeping my blog up to date.

 With little passion,

Allie

Music That I Would Suggest

No particular order, just what comes to mind. I shall have pictures!

1.  Mr. Brightside- The Killers
2. Creep- Radiohead
3. Savoir- Rise Against
4. Yesterday- Atmosphere
5. In Her Music Box- Atmosphere
6. Sleepy Head- Passion Pit
7. Loser- Beck
8. Paper Planes- M.I.A
9. Polar Opposites- Modest Mouse
10. Otherside- Red Hot Chili Peppers
11. Americas Suithearts- Fall Out Boy
12. Sleep- My Chemical Romance
13. Breakable- Ingrid Michealson
14. Telephone- Lady GaGa
15. Romeo and Juliet-  The Killers (cover)
16. Move Away- The Killers
17. Cemetery Drive- My Chemical Romance
18. Secrets- One Republic
19. Cassie (acoustic version)- Flyleaf 
20. Kryptonite- Three Doors Down

I'm Not Sad

  Reading my last posts you may think I'm a depressed person, I know I would. I'd just like to inform you that I'm not that way. As a matter-of-fact I'm a very jaunty. If you catch me in a great, and I mean fantastically ecstatic mood, then I will literally dance and sing around, and laugh at everything. This may be confused with when I'm hyper, but that's rare these high school days, so I'm probably happy.
 My parents seem to think I'm grumpy, my only explanation for that is: I'm allergic to waking in the morning, it makes me break out in angry groans and good mornings.
 I like to make jokes, laugh at them, look at quotes about anything, go internet picture searching, and being with awesome people (you?) Those are things that make me happy everyday. So...let's have some fun shall we?
 Your Friendly Neighborhood Blogger
Allie

What to Call This One?

I wrote this a long time ago, this was when I was really depressed about war and such.

All hope has failed
Killings will prevail
Please make my faith come back
Before my heart turns pitch black
You make me want you
But I wouldn't want to sadden you too
Life's a mad and twisted deja-vu
Come back to me
I can make you see
but seeing isn't free
The epiphany's overwhelming
War is sick with all the killing.
Make it stop
Before I pop
Is war greater than passion?
Or is it some greater action
Or does it all equal out
I filled with crippling doubt
No one understands me when I say what's on my mind
They say they would kill for me, or die for me?
What good does that do?
You all make me sick
But at least I won't kill you over it.

Your friendly neighborhood poet? rapper? blogger.

Us

 Lately I've been rather nostalgic. I really miss this old friend of mine, he made me who I am today. Sometimes I see him from afar down the street.

Dear Nicky,

  Mostly I'm angry at you for never saying hello for the past 5 years. We did everything together! You were the brother I never had, and now you're 20 and all grown up. When were younger my parents always warned me you would leave, and stop wanting to hang out with me. I didn't want to believe them but they were right. I just want closure. So many times I imagined some way you could explain why you left. Now I wonder if I meant as much to you as you did to me. For three years we saw each other almost everyday, my family took you in, we made friends with all the other neighbors, we made games, built forts, had our own languages, and conversations. You were, and still probably are the best friend I ever had. Writing this makes me want to tear up. Just know that you always have a place in my heart, and maybe one day I'll have the courage to find you and give you this letter.

Sincerely,
Allie

I Lied

I never know what to put on these blogs! I wanted one so that I could type out any troubling thoughts, but every time  I write something out I want to change it sooner than later. I have this problem with not making up my mind, and wanting to impress anyone that might read this with my complexity. But who am I kidding? This will probably be deleted soon because I will second guess it. I can't help it! I feel silly writing about things...I have this need to be wanted and liked by a large group of people that I don't know. I want people to care about what I have to say, I want people to look forward to hearing me out. I'm not one to go unnoticed. 

Yet Another Rap

Life

My life is busy,

It makes me kinda dizzy

Like a pounding stream

It keeps me awake when I try to dream

It’s unswerving faze

A peaceful, mindless daze

No time to think

I can slowly sink

I’m not complaining

I just hope that you’re obtaining

All this useless information

Supposed to spark some new creation

Life,

It’s my biggest inspiration

Imma keep going, worth it or not

Even if this world isn’t what I thought
You’re not confused

It’s just a lame excuse

Stop acting like you’re deep

You’re just like the rest of us

We all need a chance to sit back and adjust

This world is irrational

It’s a national disease

We all seem so stupid

In this everlasting unease

A Rap

I don't know what to feel about this... but here it is. This is supposed to be about the fact that everyone is selfish, even just a little bit.

EVERYONE

First off, I’m sorry

For only thinking of myself

When you were all alone and you needed my help

I wasn’t there,

And it’s not ‘cause I don’t care

I just loved myself more

When I wasted your time,

And walked out the door

The problem has always been,

And will always be

That selfish little girl

Also known as me

No matter what it is,

No matter what you say,

I turn it around

So it’s facing my own way.

I want to be selfless

You probably do too

But is it for me, or is it for you?

I just want you to see

I was genuine when I said

It’s not you,

It’s this selfish little girl

Also known as me